


Winchester to Howard

by remember_to_recycle101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Demon, Demon Deals, Episode: s04e14 Sex and Violence, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Hunting, Marriage, Mom!Reader, Mum!reader, No Wincest, Pregnancy, Reader is married, Reader-Insert, Secrets, Siren, Sister!winchester, Supernatural - Freeform, Swearing, cursing, daeva, marriage problems, maybe smut, murders, reader - Freeform, reader has kids, secret keeping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2020-06-03 10:32:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19462153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remember_to_recycle101/pseuds/remember_to_recycle101
Summary: Y/N Winchester is the sister of Sam and Dean. When she finds out that she is pregnant, this story can only go one way.





	1. Sex and Violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mainly takes place Season 4 episode 14 - Sex and violence where the Winchester's investigation into a series of deaths takes a deadly turn when a siren tries to tear them apart for good.

7 October 2008

You looked at your phone, then back down to your lap. You did this several times watching the timer on your phone count down. 0:04, 0:03, 0:02, 0:01, 0:00. Your phone buzzed, til you lock it then look back down at your lap. Two lines. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see it anymore.

"They're gonna kill me", You mutter under your breath.

You take a deep breath and looking around the room, trying not to cry. You look around the bathroom closely, seeing everything disgusting with the place. The mould growing in the corner of the ceiling and the peeling paint by the window. Your eyes started to well up as you kept repeating "Fuck" in your head. The motel room was a dark green almost teal, it wasn't the nicest room you have stayed in, nor was it the worst. It smelt of sex and weed, come to think about it so did the whole town. You were wearing black jeans, your favourite AC-DC t-shirt (of which you have 5)and your black hiker boots.

The next day, Sam and Dean take off to meet up with one of your dad's old friend's, Travis. (S4, Ep4.) You told them that you needed a week to yourself, an old friend has to come by. Both boys take your word for it and don't even question it. It's very helpful when you need some time off, plus you could use that excuse twice a month and they wouldn't bat an eyelid. Neither were very good in Biology. You used this week to talk to a doctor, who told you exactly the same as the little pink stick. This, to you, made it real.

_______________________________________________________________________________

5 Feb. 2009

Your brothers were out checking on a couple of odd deaths around town. Apparently, a guy beat his wife to death with a meat tenderizer. Last you saw them, Dean went to the strip club to babysit the real FBI agent while Sam went to talk to the doctor, for whatever reason, you kinda zoned out of the conversation by then. Apparently you had been doing that a lot, that's why, according to Dean, you should be left at the motel. Obviously you fought him on that but you lost.

You jumped when your phone began to ring, DEAN flashed across the screen.

"Hey," you said, accepting the call.

"Hey (Y/N)," he began," listen, I think i know what we are dealing with here but Sam doesn't wanna believe me. Plus you might wanna get down here asap."

"What? Why?" You reply. "What is it?"

"A Siren, (Y/N), and i think Sam's fucking the thing, which means at any moment, he'll be under it's spell."

"So you need my help?" You attempt to banter with him.

"(Y/N)! So not the time!"He shouts in reply. "Please hurry! I'm in the strip club we passed the other day," and with that he hangs up.

You grab your gun and shove it down the back of your jeans. You leap out of the motel door, you hear it lock behind you as you jump into the impala and drive to help your brothers. As you rush towards the strip club you turn on the radio as it is a good 10 minute drive, 5 if Dean had been driving.

As you drove, your mind racing. You cannot give this child away. This is your one chance at a normal life. But that means leaving the boys, the brothers you grew up with, who saved your life more times than you care to admit and vis versa. They'd be heartbroken. 

"Fuck no, you're not gonna leave them", You say to yourself. You took a deep breath and continued driving.

You pulled over, rolling your eyes at the neon sign with a woman pole dancing on. After, grabbing the keys out of the ignition and checking to make sure your gun was still in your jeans, you ran out of the car headed to the strip club door. Half way to the dancing lady sign, you saw Dean talking to a very handsome, unfamiliar man in a grey 1993 Chevrolet Caprice. As you start walking over to them, you phone starts to buzz. You answer Sam's call.

"Hey (Y/N), where are you?" He said. "Dean's benched me too".

"Heard you're bangin' the siren, Sammy. Good job" You say sarcastically.

"Dean told you that? He's wrong, (Y/N)."

"Then who is it?" Just as you said those words, you see Dean take a swig from his flask and then pass it to the a strange looking man sat in the driver's seat. You remember your Dad's lesson on sirens and how they suck in their prey.

"Their saliva," you say out loud.

"What?" Sam replies.

"It's the FBI guy, it's got Dean!" You shout down the phone as you run back to the impala.

You throw your phone on the passenger seat and start the engine. Before you drive away you see Dean and the Siren still talking. You know what it wants. To take the things Dean loves most away from him. You and Sam.

When you get back to the Motel, you burst into your room and see Dean behind Sam, holding the demon blade to his throat. 'How the hell did they get here before you?' You think to yourself.

"SAM!" You shout running to get you older brother away from him. But suddenly a hand grabs your arm, yanking you back. The Siren takes a few punches and kicks from you til he punches you across the face and throws you in chair.

At the moment, the siren was very handsome, he had blue eyes, brown hair and bushy eyebrows, he seemed very muscular and fit underneath his slim black suit, he wore a white shirt and red tie also. Dean looked very similar to how you saw him when he left, navy blue suit, with a white shirt and black tie. Sam must have changed when he returned from the Doctor's office because he was wearing a red flannel, with blue jeans and black hiker boots.

"Welcome to the party," it says as ropes are being tied around your arms and legs to hold you in place. There's a pounding in your head and you can feel the blood run down your forehead and hit your eyebrow. For a split second you forgot you were pregnant. You think to yourself, "You can't die here, you can't die." In this moment you realise you cannot bring a child in to this life. If it din't die, you would, trying to protect it. You tell yourself to stay quiet and don't get too cocky, stay out of harms way. It was in this moment when you knew you had to leave.

By the wall, Sam is still wrestling Dean.

"Dean, come on, man," Sam pleaded. "This isn't you."

"You can fight this, Dean," You joined in. " Let him go!"

" Why don't you just cut him a little," The siren suggested. "on his neck right there."

Sam grunted as the blade slices at him.

"Dean's all mine." The monster says to Sam, turning and looking you in the eye.

"You poisoned him." You spat.

"No, I gave him what he needed." It retorts. "And it wasn't some bitch in a G-string. It was you."

Both you and Sam give each other knowing glances, the both of you had been very distant when Dean had gone to Hell for Sam. You drowned your grief and guilt in alcohol and sex where as Sam buried his in demon blood. You had to wait til morning to drive to Bobby's when he told you he had important news, because you were drunk off your face. Sam, however, was with Ruby when the three of you had shown up at his motel door. What Sam was doing with Ruby was as much a mystery to you as it was to Dean.

"The little siblings that looked up to him, and that he could trust. And now he loves me." The Siren continued as it moved around the room. You and Sam continued to grunt as he wrestled with his brother and you fought against the rope that bound you.

"He'd do anything for me, and i gotta tell ya, that kind of devotion, like watching someone kill for you. Its the best feeling in the world."

"Is that why you are slutting it up all over town?" You retort. It looks to face you and lets out a small breath while smiling slowly.

"I get bored, like we all do, huh mama bear." It says raising an eyebrow and looking down at your stomach, then gives you a wink. A look of horror stretches across your face and you glance at your brothers, one of which is trying to kill the other, so they don't notice the glance between you and the monster stood before you. "I'm just trying to fall in love again, and again and again." Continues the siren, turning to face Sam.

You spot your and Sam's open duffel bags about 5 feet away from you, under your bed.

"Tell you what I have fought some really nasty son's of bitches," Sam slowly replies, emphasising all of his words. "but you are one needy, pathetic loser.

"You won't feel that way in a minute," It says as it grabs Sam's jaw and spits in his mouth.

"NO!" You shout, wriggling in your chair.

Dean lets go of Sam and they both walk to the center of the room.

"Now i know there's a lot you both want to get of your chests, so why don't you discuss it," It said to your brothers then it turned and faced you. "Then the victor gets to fight you, my dear. Then the winner can stay with me forever."

"Fat chance" You say with your front teeth pressed together. You were now terrified for your brothers, the pent up anger they had for one another and for you was overwhelming. You had to stop this before one brother kills the other.

"Well i don't know when it started," started Dean. "Maybe when i was in hell, maybe when i was staring right at you. But the Sam i knew is gone." You have felt this too, Sam just isn't the same anymore.

"Is that so?" Sam replied. You scanned the room for something to cut your ropes with.

"And its not the demon blood or the psychic crap, its the little stuff. The lies, the secrets."

"Yeah? What secrets?"

"The phone calls from Ruby for one."

"So i need your say so to make a phone call?"

You spot the siren sit on your bed, feet right next to your open duffel bag. It's eyes watching every movement the boys make.

"That's just it Sam, you are hiding things from us, (Y/N) sees this too. What else aren't you telling us?

Your eyes dart from one brother to another, nervous that they will start throwing punches. But that would distract the siren and help you escape the ropes.

"None of your business."

Dean shook his head, "See what i mean? We used to be in this together, we used to have each other's backs! The three of us!"

"Okay fine you wanna know why i didn't tell you and (Y/N) about Ruby, and how we are hunting down Lilith?" Curious yourself, your (Y/E/C) eyes concentrated on Sam, desperate to know what he says next. "Because you are both too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. (Y/N) and I are way better hunters than you are, stronger and smarter."

"SAM!" You shout, outraged, to silence him, but your mouth is bound by the siren's tie.

"I can take out demons you are too scared to go near."

"That's crap." Started Dean only to be interrupted by Sam.

"You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whining about all the souls you tortured in Hell. BooHoo."Just as Sam said that Dean threw the knife he was holding at his younger brother. Then began the fighting, they threw punch after punch at each other. But this wasn't like their training, they wanted, no they needed to hurt each other. Your eyes darted between the two, mentally pleading them to stop. It got to a point where Sam punched Dean so hard that he flew backwards and landed on the floor.

"You're not standing in my way anymore," Sam said as he picked his big brother off the floor. More punches were thrown until the siren stood up and walked up behind them. The fighting had hit a brief pause while Sam ran up to Dean and rugby tackled him through the door and out into the hallway. The siren followed. You seized your opportunity and pushed over your chair so you were on your side, the fall loosened your gag and the rope tying your feet. You heard a smash from the hall, but remembered no windows. Using your feet you pushed the open duffel bag towards your hand and reached for a knife and started cutting at the rope. Once one hand is free the other loosens and you wriggled your hand out.

"Do it," you heard the siren say. "Do it for me, Dean." You knew you only had seconds before your brother was dead. You climb to your feet and rush towards the door. You stop in the door frame, one hand steadying yourself, the other covering your stomach. Sam is on the floor, eyes panicking and pleading. Dean is stood above him with is back to the door frame with an axe in his hands. The siren is to the left of Sam, with a small smirk.

"Tell me again how weak i am, huh, Sam." Dean's voice booms throughout the hallway "How i hold you back!" He raised the axe above his head, seconds before he brings it down over his brother, you grab it out of his hands and he spins around to face you, you take the bottom and hit him on the forehead, knocking him over. The siren turns to you, fuming, when you take your knife and stab it in the neck, several times. As it dies it turns back to its original form.

"Bet we've lost the deposit then right?" You said to Sam, gesturing to the dead monster lying next to you.

________________________________________________________________________________

Time jump - 1 hour - 2:49

You are driving the impala with Dean riding shotgun and Sam in the backseat, nursing their wounds and bruises. All three of you are exhausted, and you want to get to the nearest motel as fast as possible to avoid talking. Sam and Dean were still trying to get their heads around what their brother had said to them and you were still getting your head around the fact that you are pregnant. Something your brothers will never come to terms with.

You pulled up to the Red Cannon Country Motel without a word from any of you. Once you had parked, Dean went to reception to get rooms.

"They only have the one room, but its got a couch," he said when he came back out. You snatched the keys from him and handed him the keys to the car.

"Bags are in the trunk, bellboy."

Dean rolled his eyes jokingly and grabbed the bags, as you went to unlock room 21. Sam followed you then Dean. Once inside you threw your jacket onto a chair and jumped on the bed furthest from the door.

"I'm cool on the couch," Sam said before walking into the bathroom. Once you heard the shower running, you turned to Dean.

"D, you need to talk to him," you began.

"Yeah sure," Dean mumbled.

"Dean!"

"Yeah, (Y/N) i heard you, i will eventually."

"Promise?" You both looked up when the water stopped and when Sam walked out Dean walked in. You tried your luck on your younger brother.

"Sam?" Sam turned as you spoke his name.

"Yeah?"

"Talk to him."

"Mmhmm" He grumbled as he turned back round.

"Sam!"

"Yeah fine."

"Promise?" Again there was no reply as Dean came out of the bathroom and you replaced him. Taking your duffel bag in with you, you made sure everything was in there for you to leave. If you didn't do it tonight, you never would. After your shower, you got dressed into your leggings and one of Sam's old flannels. Coming out of the bathroom you saw both men were in their bed, with their eyes closed but not sleeping. You turned off all the lights but one and put your phone on charge, you then got into bed.

"G'night guys" you said, wanting your last ever words to them to be meaningful.

"Night," replied Dean.

"Goodnight (Y/N)" Sam said with a yawn.

You turned off the lamp to your left and waited for them to sleep.


	2. Fucked off to timbuktu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving your brothers was probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do.

03:48

Dean was the first to start snoring, after a while, Sam followed his brother's lead, you stayed lying there staring at the cream coloured ceiling for another half an hour, pleading yourself to find another way around this. In the distance, you hear the occasional car drive past and the hum of the fridge in the kitchen and the whir of the radiator to your left. You finally stood up and faced the darkness, and stepped over to the notepad and pen, left by the motel owner, and began thinking how the hell to explain yourself to your brothers.

Once you had written your letter, you move back to the bed and made it, when you were finished it seemed like you were never there. Laying the note and your burner phone on the end of the bed, you glance at your brothers sleeping soundly, both of them snoring gently. Careful not to wake them you take the handgun from under your pillow and then go to grab your duffel from the space between your and Dean's beds and silently head towards the door, grabbing your leather jacket from the chair in the kitchen as you go.

You slowly close the door behind you, duffel bag on your right shoulder and your gun in your left hand, covered with your jacket. You scan the car park for a suitable car to hijack, you slowly walk over to the beautiful 1967 Chevrolet Impala parked outside the door you just exited. You stroked the front of the car running your hand to the passenger side window. You began to remember all the times you and your brothers slept in it, all the fast food meals eaten and the times you were all driving, wounded and bloody. You remembered sitting in the back seat with Sam, whilst your father drove and Dean rode shotgun. It was just a usual day, but for some reason it had always stuck in your head. You could still remember the smell of gunpowder and car fuel and the hum of the car as your brothers slept.

You suddenly felt wetness on your cheek.

"Sorry, baby. Look after them for me." You whispered, wiping the tears from your face as you left the car and walked over to the dark red 1987 Pontiac LeMans you spotted across the car park. You set your duffel on the ground and stuffed your gun down the back of your leggings. After jimmying the door open you sit in the driver's seat, you throw your duffel and your jacket in the back seat. You hot-wired your new car and drove away crying.

______________________________________________________________________________

"DEAN," Sam shouted from the foot of your bed. "DEAN WAKE UP!"

Dean suddenly woke and grabbed his gun from underneath his pillow, and spun to face his brother, aiming the gun to the middle of the room. Seeing that everything was safe, he put his gun on the nightstand and within seconds had his eyes closed again.

"Huh?" Was his response.

"Dean, (Y/N) is gone."He said in a grim voice.

"What?" Dean replied, sitting up, frowning. "Where's she gone?" Sam passed him your note, and he began reading it out loud.

"Sam and Dean,

I'm sorry but I'm done.

I'm leaving, but before I go I think I owe you an explanation.

I would say that I'm leaving home but I'm not am I? We haven't had a home in a long time. Guess that's one of the reasons I'm going. I don't believe that I belong here anymore. Maybe I've never truly belonged anywhere. Hunting is sucking the life from us. I want the chance at a normal life before we're all dead."

"Dammit (Y/N)," Dean muttered under his breath.

"I need you to not blame yourselves, this isn't because of you. Please know that leaving you both was not an easy decision.

Don't look for me, I love you both so much.

Love (Y/N).

P.S Make your peace with each other, you are all you have left."

"WHAT?!" Dean said in reply to your letter.

"She's gone," Sam said, reluctantly. Telling himself more than he was telling Dean.

"So she's just fucked off to Timbuktu then?!" Dean snapped, crumpling up your letter and throwing it into the bin. The younger brother looked solemn like he had already come to terms with you leaving.

"Looks like," Sam muttered. Dean got up and looked out of the window, behind him the bathroom door slammed shut and the shower was turned on. Stood in his boxers and a t-shirt, Dean saw two cops talking to some guy in the car park. He thought nothing of it and threw on some pants and went to get breakfast.

It took years for your brothers to get over your leaving. They tried looking for you but the car you stole was a dead end and because you left your phone, they couldn't track you. They thought they knew you enough to track you, but you stayed two steps ahead. Never using the same alias twice, and not staying in the same state for more than a month. They never felt less helpless. For years they looked out for you, telling every hunter they came across to phone if they found you, continuously looking in papers and online for a Jane Doe that matched your description, hopeful to find you but terrified to find you dead. Dean even asked Castiel to look for you, but even an angel of the Lord couldn't find you. After 10 years, they assumed you were dead.


	3. You had coffee yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new life is a refreshing start

10 Years later.

"Hey, Carrie, I need that Johnson file on my desk by the end of the day, or I am seriously gonna fire you." You say into the phone before hanging up, only half joking really. 

You are sat in your office, in North Salt Lake in Utah, typing up a paper for your boss. A reminder flashes on your Iphone 7. Grabbing your phone and three thick folders, titled Rogers, Jenkins and Brown, you leave your office. You were wearing slim fit trousers, with a white shirt and black blazer and black heels, wearing your (Y/H/C) hair in a small messy bun.

"Cheryl, call Mike up for me and tell him that Boyle assigned him to my team for the next week starting Monday and he needs to suck it up." You say, placing the top file, titled Brown on your secretaries desk. Cheryl is your blonde 34 year old secretary, who has worked for you ever since you were promoted 5 years ago. You both have grown quite close over the years and is probably your closest friend after Harvey. 

"Right on that," She replies and reaches for the phone," Wait a sec, hun. You had coffee yet?"

"Nah, slept in a little, didn't have time to got to Rosie's, plus you know how busy I've been all week." You reply, tucking your phone into your back pocket and rubbing your one free hand over your face.

"I got you hun," Cheryl replied placing freshly made coffee on her desk in front of you.

"You beauty," You say picking it up," I have to go to the briefing, hold the fort for me." She nods and starts dialing.

You walk into the meeting room and take one of the few seats left available. Setting the coffee down in front of you, you open the first folder and sigh.

"So it begins." You mutter to yourself silently, followed your boss, Grant Boyle, walking in.

One very slow hour and 34 minutes later, you emerge from the room and head back to your office. One very empty mug and two files, seemingly heavier than before, in hand.

"Could I get you to save me twice in one day?" You say, walking up to Cheryl's desk, waving the empty mug in your hand.

"Ahh what are we secretaries for eh?" She says with a smile.

"I love you."

"I know." She winks as she walks towards the kitchen.

You walk into your office and set down your files, setting the top one to one side and opening the bottom one. You turn on your computer to check your emails, when Cheryl walks in, handing you your coffee. You smile at her as she leaves as you read your one unopened email which is from your boss, about a Christmas party.

You work until 6, only interrupted by the continuous coffee Cheryl brings in and Carrie bringing you your Johnson file, which you worship her for. Once your day is over you say good-bye to Cheryl, remind your team of certain things they need to have done for you for a certain time and drive home.

You park your 2008 Hyundai Veracruz SUV on your driveway and walk up to your big light blue house, you walk up the white steps til you reach your equally white door.

"I'm home!" You shout the second you have put your keys in the pot and you've put your bag down.

"Kitchen!" A deep voice replies, in the same split second the smell hits you. You hang up your coat and walk towards the kitchen when the Golden Retriever hits you in the back of your legs, with his nose.

"Hey, Spatch," you say as you turn and stroke him behind the ears. He loves that. You continue walking into the kitchen, dog at your heels.

As you enter the kitchen the smell gets heavier and makes your tummy rumble. You walk in and see your two kids sat opposite at the 6 seater table in the middle of the room, your daughter's back to you and your husband by the stove. When he sees you walk in, he walks over to you and holds your waist with one hand and a wooden spoon in the other while he kisses you.

"Hi," he says when you finally break apart.

"Hi," You reply, smiling.

"Mommy," says your 3-year-old, as he runs to hug you. You pick him up and kiss him on the forehead.

"Hey Freddie." You say in reply, walking over to your daughter, tapping on her book, which her eyes are glued to.

"Hello? Earth to Alex."

"Hi mom."

You kiss your 10-year-old on the head and walk over to put your son back in the chair he was sat in.

"'Kay, I'ma go and change out of these clothes." You say as you head towards the door. "Spatch, stay."

You hear Harvey talk as you leave. "Fred, clear your stuff into the living room for me, please. Lex, can you set the table for me, please?"

Alex is your skinny, brown haired 10-year-old. Her brown eyes always buried in one book or another. The look of a Winchester, your dad would say. It was her you were pregnant with when you left your brothers. Her half-brother, Freddie is completely different. He is blonde and blue-eyed, and he was literally running before he could walk. People say that he looks the spit of his father, Harvey. Although he is brown haired, he did give his son his eyes. The most beautiful ocean blue. 


	4. Hiya boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where the murder mystery sets in!

You wake at 8am sharp with a small lump jumping on your legs and a very wet nose and tongue on your face. You push the dog from your face with a ruffle of his fur and you receive a small woof in reply.

"Good morning," You say, grabbing the child sat by your feet and lying him next to you and kissing him on the forehead.

"Daddy's making pancakes," He says, tracing your anti-possession tattoo with his finger.

"Blueberry?"

"Of course." Blueberry pancakes were your husband's favourite thing to make. You nod and press you face into his PJs and took a deep breath in, your little boy always smelt so sweet and innocent.

"C'mon then," You said as you kissed is cheek. " Is Al up yet?"

"Yeah, she's reading." He said simply as he pushed himself off the bed and to the floor. You smiled at him as you followed his lead grabbing your dressing gown as you left the room. As soon as you leave your bedroom, the smell hits you, you cross the landing and walk into the bathroom and brush your teeth. Dog at your heels.

When you walk in the kitchen both kids are again sat at the table, your daughter with a new book in hand and your baby boy with his favourite colouring book. You look up from the kids and see your husband flipping pancakes. In the corner of your eye, you see Fish happily eating from his bowl. You walk over to the coffee pot and pour yourself a cup, kissing your eldest on the head as you pass her. Harvey walks up behind you making you jump and kisses your neck from behind. He turns you to face him and kisses you properly, you kiss him back putting one hand on his waist the other holding your coffee.

"Morning," You say when you break apart. Harvey pulls away from you with a smile and you go to sit at the table, taking the cooked pancakes with you. Half way through breakfast Harvey’s phone rings.

"Hello?" He says answering the call, you jokingly glaring at him because of his 'no work calls at the table' rule. He is quiet for a while, listening to the person on the other end of the phone call.

"Jesus, yeah okay, i'll be right over." He says finally, standing up. You frown at him, today is his first day off in a long time and he promised to spend it with you and the kids.

"Listen guys, I have to go." He said.

"What? Why? They can't go one day without the Sheriff there?" You say and the kids copy you with groans and grumbles.

"Babe, can I talk to you for a sec?" He says and you put your knife and fork down and stand up, and walk towards the hallway.

"Boyle is dead."

"What? Boyle my boss?" You say in a surprised and hushed tone. "How?" He nodded.

"He was killed, last night," He said "He was ripped apart, minus a heart. Listen (Y/N) I need to go, we need to talk to everyone who had access to the building last night.

"Oh my god, uhh, okay," You mutter, your mind racing. "I'll phone Amanda and I need to call Cheryl."

"Amanda? Why do you need the babysitter?"

"We can't leave the kids here alone." You say shaking your head.

"No, you stay here, I'll call when I know something."

"Harv, no, he was my boss, plus your guys are gonna wanna question me, right?"

"No, you didn't have anything to do with this."

"Harvey," You say holding is hand. "I need to be there."

When you arrive at your office, you tell Harvey you will call him later and you will try to find somethings out and head over to your office. Cheryl is stood with her back to you when you walk in.

"Hey."

"Ah, Hi hun," She says walking over to you to pull you into a hug.

"Do you know anything else?" You say breaking away from her.

"I only know what you do, love." She replies, giving you a knowing smile, an exiting the room.

You sat at your desk and waited. Waiting for what you had no idea. For Harvey to tell you more, to be questioned by the police or Cheryl to come in with more coffee. You checked your emails, called several people to tell them what happened and to not come in, you phoned home and checked on the kids. You were at a loss at what to do with yourself. Sure, Boyle wasn't the nicest guy but he was dead. Suddenly you remembered two other guys that were killed around town. You pulled up the newspaper articles and scanned the page. David Rogers and Richard Jenkins. You dealt with their life insurance. In fact, their files were sitting right next to you. Yep, this was definitely something you, Sam and Dean would check out. You had just finished reading the article when there was a knock at your door.

____________________________

Two nights earlier.

Dean walked down the steps of the bunker with fresh Chinese food, Sam sat at the table, books spread out with his laptop in front of him.

"Grubs up," Dean said setting the food on the table and sitting in the seat opposite his little brother. "Anything new?"

"Not with Lucifer, no." Sam replied. "You heard from Cas?"

"Not for a couple days." The older brother said emptying the bag and moving books to the side.

"So get this, two guys were mauled to death in Utah, one a week after the other, all the cameras were tampered with and there was one homeless guy witness to the second killing, said he only saw a shadow of the guy that did it. Fancy checking it out?" Sam told his brother whilst he started to dig into the food he just brought back.

"I don't know dude, we need to be looking for Lucifer at the moment, he's been MIA for a while now."

"I know, Dean but there's no leads, Cas is out looking and we're coming up blank. Even if we found him we have no idea how to kill him." Sam said pushing his laptop to one side.

"Fine, Utah it is." Dean said pushing containers towards the man sat opposite him.

______________________

"FBI." Dean said to the closest officer, showing her their fake badges.

"Y'all wanna speak to the Sheriff." She said, pointing over her shoulder, Sam and Dean followed her finger to a tall, dark-haired and blue-eyed man.

"Agent Harrison and McCartney." It was Sam's turn to lie. They flashed their badges before Dean started.

"Howard." He shook their hands.

"What's the latest?"

"Grant Boyle, 48, died last night." The Sheriff told them. "Same as the others ripped apart. Looks like an animal attack but..." He said trailing off and shaking his head.

"But?" Sam quizzed, looking at the body in the bag.

"But an animal can't use an elevator, hack into the security cameras nor only take the heart and leave the body without eating it."

"Yeah, anything else weird?" Dean said, walking around the headless body, scanning the space where a head once stood.

"Nah that's about it, except that happened with the last two as well." He stated. "Oh, also, the last two were insured by this place as well.

At that moment, the bag was zipped up and carried out towards the elevator.

"Okay so, any witnesses?" Dean said.

"Also we need to talk to someone who knew about the life insurance. See if we can make a connection". Sam added with Dean nodding.

"Mr. Taylor is outside Rosie's cafe, you're not likely to miss it. And as for the other thing go that way and look for a secretary named Cheryl. You're not likely to miss her either." The Sheriff said with a smile. Both Sam and Dean chuckled.

"Thanks, man," Dean said as they walked away.

_______________

*Knock* *Knock*

"Come in." You say without looking up from your computer, closing down your browser.

"FBI need to talk to you, Harvey sent them over," Cheryl said walking in, followed by two tall men in dark suits.

"That's fine, thanks, Cheryl." You say eyes still not off your screen. "Gentleman, what can i...." You start to say, before looking up, smile fading. Your eyes flashed between both men, with a panicked look on your face.

"(Y/N)?" The taller of the two whispered, bewildered.

"Thank you, Cheryl," You say quickly, before clearing your throat. "You can go." You peel your eyes off your brothers and turn to smile at her. After watching her leave you to look back at your brothers, you see the shocked and confused look on their faces.

You take a deep breath before saying, "Hiya boys."


	5. Yeah, it's been awhile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What on earth are you gonna tell them?!

Silence.

That was all you could hear for a long time, apart from the whirring of the computer sat in front of you and the busy-ness of the office outside. Both men stood before you, bewildered and staring.

"Sam," There was a long pause before continuing. "Dean." You say looking between them, voice cracking. It was Dean that looked away first, turning his back and shaking his head. You walked around your desk towards them both and Sam stepped forward, following your lead. When you meet in the middle, you look up at him for a moment before he immediately sprays a flask of holy water in your face, a look of surprise flashed across his face when it doesn't harm you. 

“Yeah, that’s probably called for,” was your only reply as you wipe the wetness from your face. Sam then slams his knife of pure silver onto your desk. 

“Really, Sammy?” His aging features stern as he glares at you, of course, they thought you were a demon, shapeshifter or any of the above. Ten years had gone by in a flash, although you knew how they felt. 24/7 you thought that they were either dead or in danger. You had to survive by the scraps of information given by Bobby, you heard about the apocalypse, how Sam went into the pit and how he lost his soul. You heard about Ben and Lisa and how Dean had got out of the life. You heard about the Leviathans, then Bobby had gone radio silent. 

You pick up the knife that lay on the desk and pulled your sleeve to the top of your elbow. 

“You know how long it’s been since I did this?” You said, taking a deep breath, then pulling the knife over your skin pressing down enough to draw blood. After showing Sam the red dripping from your arm and to Dean as he glanced over his shoulder, you pulled the sleeve down and looked back up to your little brother. You quickly bring him into a tight embrace. Your hug lasted for what felt like a lifetime, tears began falling down your face. You finally broke away, wiping the wetness from your cheeks. He continued to look at you, tears also formed in his eyes, when you looked over at your older brother.

"10 years," He said nodding slowly, looking at nothing in particular. Finally, he turns and looks at his younger siblings. "10 years."

"Yeah. It's been awhile."

"We thought you wer... dead." Dean tried to say. "We thought you were dead." Tears begun falling heavily down your face.

"Dean." You pleaded. "Don't do this."

"Where have you been? What the hell have you been doing? What, you work in fucking office?"

"I..."

"Nah. I need a minute." He moved towards the door.

"Dean. My boss is the third person that's been murdered." You started. "Can we deal with this later and be professional? Please." You looked at him for a long time before he nodded and sat down opposite your desk. Sam was glancing between you both then followed suit. You moved back behind your desk to sit down.

Sam and Dean were in your office for nearly 30 minutes going over details of the case.

Three men were dead. Bodies torn apart, all missing their heart. The only lead was that they were all insured by the place you work at.

"Listen, guys, I know you deserve the truth." You took a deep breath before continuing. "So, I'm gonna tell you. But not here. Where are you staying?

"Motel 6, off the highway." Sam replied.

"I know it. I'll be there at 10, room?"

"404."

______________________________________

"Any ideas?"

You were laying on the couch, head rested on Harvey’s lap watching the credits roll.

He let out a deflated "Nope."

You glanced up at him as he turns off the TV.

"You'll figure it out, you know. You always do."

"Actually, it's not my case anymore, the feds are on it."

"So you're just gonna leave them to it?" You say, sitting up avoiding his eyes.

"Can't say it's not gonna keep me up at night."

"I know what else will keep you up at night." You turn to wink at him.

"Corny."

"Ah you love it." You stand and start to tidy the coffee table.

Your husband pulls you onto his lap, you squeal and start laughing as he lays kisses on your face and neck. He stands and carries you upstairs.

10 o'clock comes and goes as you fall asleep in Harvey's arms.

______________________________________________

7:34am

You wake with a start, suddenly remembering your brothers you jump out of bed to put some clothes on as quietly as possible, so not to wake Harvey and head out to wake Alex and Freddie.

After dropping the kids at school, you drive over to the motel and you phone Cheryl from the car's control panel.

"Hey, hun." She says when she picks up the phone.

"Hey, I don't think I'm gonna make it in today. I've got one hell of a migraine."

"Aw, ok no worries. Feel better."

"Yeah, later." You say as you hang up and turn off the highway.

9:48

When you pull up the motel you see that old car. Even looking at it you can hear the rumble of the engine and the squeak of the doors. You smell that same smell that you grew up with, dad's leather jacket and his whiskey that he always had a taste for. Hell, you can even see you and Sam sleeping off a bad hunt while Dean drives. You get out your car and walk over to Dean's baby. You wonder if he still calls her that. Probably. It's Dean. You chuckle to yourself running your fingers over the roof.

The door to 404 opens and Dean is stood in the door way.

"10 huh?"

"It is 10." You say innocently with a wink as you slide past Dean and into the room. He rolls his eyes and smiles a smile so small you'd think he hates being mad to you.

"Heya Sammy." You hug Sam, then sit on one of the beds. Your brothers sit opposite you on the sofa. Jeez, this feels like an interview. They were both still in their shirt and ties, both looking like they didn't sleep a wink. You do feel a little guilty about that. But hey, they waited ten years to see you again, what was one more night.

"So?" Dean broke the silence.

"So." Where to begin? Your kids? Your Husband? Job? The apple pie life that you always told them you never wanted? The beginning.

"So, what was the other reason?"Sam asked, before you could even open your mouth.

"What?" You replied in confused. Sam reached into his duffel bag and brought out a slip of old paper, handing it to you.

_Sam and Dean,_

_I'm sorry but i'm done._

_I'm leaving, but before i go i think i owe you an explanation._

"You kept this?"

"I would say that i'm leaving home but i'm not am I? We haven't had a home in a long time. Guess that's one of the reasons i'm going." Sam recited. "What's the other reason?"

"Ok so, Dean when you died, Sammy and I took that pretty bad, obviously. Sam got hooked on demon blood and was shagging it up with Ruby." Sam gave a sheepish smile. "While I got drunk, gambled and shacked up with anyone and everyone. It's not something i'm proud of, obviously. But you were gone, Dean, and the grief was unbearable, I'd felt more alone then I ever had before. But... But when you came back, I had to get sober, and that's when I found out." You pause, not daring to continue. The boys stare, quizzically.

"Found out what?" It was Sam's turn to break the silence.

"I was pregnant."

"What?!" The said in unison.

"Yes, I fucked up, but I didn't know how you guys would react so I... I left.

"You know you could have told us right?" Sam said.

"No. No, you see, I couldn't have because you would have wanted me to get rid of her or give her up. Or even worse. Raise her how we were raised and I can't honestly think of anything worse." You were stood up now, pacing the room.

There was a long pause before anyone spoke up.

"Her?" Dean said quietly. He was looking at the floor but glanced up when you looked at him.

"Her name's Alex. She's ten," Your face lit up when talking about her. "and she's absolutely amazing. She reminds me of you Sam, always got her head buried in one book or another." Dean looked back at the floor. You felt another long silence coming up. "She has a.. um.. little brother called Freddie." Both of your brothers look up. "He's um 3."

"You have two kids?" Sam said, bewildered.

"Yeah." Dean stands and looks out of the window.

"Their dad?"

"Their dad?" You repeated. "I don't know Alex's. Shitty, I know. But Freddie's.. I um.. married.

"Hold up, you're married?" Sam asks. You nod in reply, holding up your left hand showing your ring. Another long pause before you spoke up.

"Were you with him when he died?" It was your turn to ask.

"Who?" The boys just loved saying things in unison.

"Bobby."

"Yeah." Sam replied. "We were with him." You blinked as tears started forming.

"How did you know he died?" Dean asked, turning from the window.

"A woman called Jody Mills called, she said he was a friend of his."

"Jody?" Sam said as he and Dean shared a look.

"How'd she get your number?" Dean asked after you nodded.

"He um well," You gulped. Yep, you're gonna get abuse for this. "I called him, like three months after I left."

"WHAT?"

"Dean relax. I had a lead on a case so I called him, I couldn't really do it 8 months pregnant, could I?" Dean bit his lip. "Anyway, he tracked the cell to this motel I was staying at and helped me out money wise, helped me get a job and so much more. After that he came over to stay near my due date so I wouldn't go through labour alone, hell, he gave me away at my wedding." Tears now start falling down your face as you remember him.

"He never told us." Sam moved over to hug you.

"He made me a promise." You say leaning into Sam, smelling his old spice aftershave and that hair oil he always used to use.

This went on for some time, story swapping. They told you about all about Cas and Jack, how they knew Jody. How all the angels fell and how Castiel adjusted. Your stories didn't half compare, so mostly you listened. But you showed them pictures of the kids and shared how you were able to stay hidden for so long. You told them that if they were to rip up for carpets and pull down the wallpaper, there would be more sigils and symbols than they knew. Bobby had helped you with them when you moved in, allowing you to be hidden from angels, demons and anything else that was looking. After that, you moved on to the case. You missed this, the research. You and your brothers crammed into a small motel room with various books open and Sam tapping away on his laptop keyboard.

"So what do you think it is this time? You ask, looking up from your 15th book of the hour.

"No clue." Dean responds, he is lying on his bed, surrounded by books and bits of paper, which make an outline of his body.

"Hold on, remember when we saw dad for the first time, after you guys came to get me from college? Sam said eyes raising from his laptop.

"Yeah?" It was your turn to talk in unison with Dean.

"Didn't those victims have their hearts missing too?"

"The Daeva?" You responded.

"Yeah, they were shadow spirits? But can they tap into CCTV now?" Dean questioned.

"Also your girlfriend Meg was summoning them, Sammy. Pretty sure no one in town is that powerful. I would have noticed something." You said racking your brain for anything else supernatural here.

"It's worth a look." Dean added. "Plus we still have to talk to that homeless guy."

"Joe Taylor?" You asked. Dean nodded in reply. "Then let's go." You're already walking out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I first posted this on wattpad but I don't really use that much anymore so thought I'd post it on here!  
> I started this fic like 2 years ago but was feeling inspired so I added another chapter. Lemme know what you think and if i should carry on!  
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Rosie's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chat with an eyewitness causes a awkward meeting between people you hoped never would.

14:51

As you leave the motel room with your brother's in tow, you absent-mindedly walk over to your car. However, as Sam and Dean stop at the Impala, you glance at the jet black car. Remembering the feel of the leather and the rumble of the engine. Your eyes glance to Dean and within a spilt second he is chucking the keys towards you. 

"Are you sure?" You say expertly catching them in one hand. 

"Yeah, just don't scratch her," Dean replies as he walks around you and his baby to sit shotgun. "Again."

"I'll follow you?" Sam says as takes your car keys out of your other hand. You nod as you get in the Impala, dragging your hand over the steering wheel and hearing the creak as the doors slam shut. You put the key in the ignition and turn to dean as the car rumbles to life. 

"Oh I missed this."

He grins as you drive off. 

__________________________________

After a short drive, you cursed it wasn't longer, you pulled into the Rosie's parking lot, with Sam just behind you.

Rosie's Diner is large restaurant off the highway in North Salt Lake, with a huge red sign that can be seen from your house. Best burger and milkshakes in the state. The guy who runs it is Rosie's son, he took it up after she died a year ago. She was a small and round lady, picture a cartoon grandma and that was pretty much her. She had lollipops on the counter, a hairband with every single colour and wore the biggest smile you ever saw. It felt like every big moment happened there. It was the first place you called home after Lawrence, where you went into labour with Alex, and it was where you and Harvey first met as well as your first date. When you found yourself in Utah, 6 months pregnant she offered you a job and after a while a bed upstairs. She also helped out a lot when Alex was born, so when she started talking, naturally she was Auntie Rosie. After that, every friday meal was at Rosie's, she picked the kids up after school sometimes and was like a member of the family. After she died, her son, James, moved home from New York to run the business, it went from a small family diner to a huge business nearly overnight.

Joe Taylor is in his late fifties and he sits outside of the diner. He has a short greying beard and wears a thick black coat on most days. He masquerades as a grumpy old man but actually has a heart of gold. No one, not even Rosie knows what happened to him or why he is homeless. Every time you hear the story, it's different. However, today he's not sat outside. 

"So what's the plan?" Sam said as he walked over to where you and Dean were stood. 

"Stay here." You said without looking at them as you walked over to the entrance.

Inside was the old fashioned 50s diner look, with black and white tiled floor and those red booths. You walk up to the counter and smile at the cashier. Before you can order a voice interrupts you.

"Y/N, hey." As you turn the speaker walks over. 

"James," You greet him with a hug. 

"How's Harvey? The kids?" James replies.

"Good, yeah. Listen, I wanted to get a little something for Joe, he around?"

"Booth in the corner. What can I get for you? You place your order with James and head to the corner of the restaurant. 

"Whatdya want?"

"Hello to you too, Joe." You say sitting across from him, only a small empty coffee cup between you. He only grunts in response.

"How are you?"

"Peachy. Cut to the chase."

"Listen, you know Grant Boyle died the other day?"

"Whatsit to me?"

"He was my boss," You reply. "He was ripped apart by what looked like an animal."

"So?"

"So. You saw what happened to that other guy, didn't you? Richard Jenkins?

"Maybe. Whatis it to you?"

"I wanna know what you saw."

"Pretty sure YOUR husband didn't believe me."

"Pretty sure I'm not my husband."

At that moment, a waitress appeared next to you with a burger and fries with all the toppings and a large black coffee. 

Joe Taylor starts chuckling as she places them between you.

"Tell me what you saw, Joe." 

Fifteen minutes later you walk out of the Diner and walk over to your brothers.

______________________________________________________________

You spent the rest of the day with your brothers doing research for the case, only leaving at 6 because you knew you had to get home. You said your goodbyes and drove home. 

18:16

As you pull up onto the drive, Harvey is sat on the porch, beer in hand with his sheriff uniform still on. 

"Hey. Kids inside?" You said getting out of the car and closing the door behind you.

"How was work?" He answers grimly without answering your question. 

"Good, a little weird without Boyle there, but you know how it is." You say sitting down next to him.

Harvey slowly closes his eyes and then turns his body to face you placing his beer bottle in between you both. 

"Where were you today?"

"What? Work. You know that."

He only shakes his head in response. 

He looks directly at you. "I came to see you today. I thought we could get some lunch seeing as I was following up some leads in your office. Only to find Cheryl telling me that you were home. Sick. Migraine was it?” He's stood up at this point. Thumbs in his holster made it feel like you were being arrested again. 

"What do you want me to say?" You follow suit and stand up on the porch. 

"Where were you?" He repeats. 

"Something's happened. A part of my past. I..."

"The past that you will never tell me about so I should quit asking?"

"Yes. I told you..."

"I know."

"And you married me anyway."

"I'm sick of feeling like I don't know my own wife."

You scoff and head for the door.

"Y/N... I have to ask. Are you in any way responsible for the deaths of Richard Jenkins, Joesph Brown and Grant Boyle?"

"How fucking dare you." You turn to look him in the eyes.

"Then why don't you tell me why the only CCTV footage we have from the night Boyle died was deleted from your computer using your login?"

"What?"

"Please, just tell me."

"I don't know how that happened, you were with me last night." You turn and open the front door. "You've gotta trust me, Harv."

He walks into the house leaving you outside, trying to go over the conversation you just had. 

___________________________________________________

20:37

You're sat in the living room on a big blue armchair reading Charlotte's Web to Freddie who's sat on your lap. With Harvey and Alex at the coffee table doing her homework. Suddenly the doorbell rings. You look up and glance at Harvey. 

"Damn is that the time?" He says looking at his watch. 

"Who is it?" You both promised to never fight in front of the kids, always be civil. 

He didn't answer as he got up to answer the door. 

"Gentlemen, come on in."

Your heart sunk as you heard Sam Winchester reply. 

"Thank you."

"The family is just through there."

You panic. What could you do at that moment?

As your brothers turn the corner they look directly at you. 

You stand quickly placing Fred next to his sister and walk over to them and standing next to Harvey. 

"Babe, these are the FBI agents I was telling you about." 

"Yes, the- the agents came to speak to me today." You say bringing your hand out to shake theirs. When they hesitate you flash them a look. 

"Y-yes nice to see you again," Dean replies shaking your hand, while Sam just nods with an awkward smile. 

"Ye-yes, we just came to borrow that file and tell you we spoke to Joe Taylor today." Sam avoids your eyes as he tries to play his role. Dean, however, has his eyes roaming the room, not looking anywhere in particular until his eyes land on the two children who are confused by the odd gathering. 

"Hello," Dean says to them with a curt nod and a slight smile. 

You turn to look at them before saying, "Alex, take your brother upstairs please."

"Mom-"

"Now please, I'll be up in a minute."

"Spatch, here boy."

As Alex, Freddie, and Spatch leave the room, Harvey invites the boys to sit on the couch. 

"Oh, I'll just get that file for yas." As he leaves you round on the boys. 

"Please don't say anything." You start. "He doesn't know anything."

"You married the Sheriff, Y/N. Really?"

"Don't, Dean." You were pleading with them now. "You can't tell him that I was with you all day and you can't tell him that we're related and you can't tell in about my past."

"Woah, slow down, Y/N." Sam tried to calm you. 

"We promise," Dean replied seconds before your husband walked back in. 

"Also, Spatch?" Sam asked, you guessed to relieve some tension.

"Heh, Spatula, I guess that's what you get when you let a four-year-old name a dog," Harvey replied chuckling and winking at you. You frowned at him, confused by the sudden friendly side of him, it's like you weren't in the middle of a fight and him thinking you killed your boss. Granted it is usually a funny story, but you don't think Sam and Dean are ready to hear fun stories of your marriage. 

"I'll make some coffee." You say standing and leaving the room. While the water boils you go upstairs to put your children to bed.

First, you see to Freddie, who has Spatch curled up at the foot of his bed, you turn out the light after kissing your son on the forehead and giving Spatch a slight scratch behind the ears. You then walk into Alex's room and go for the light switch. 

"Who were those men?"

"The FBI."

"Why are they here?"

You sat on the side of her bed before answering. "Harvey has to talk to them about a case he is working on."

"I feel like I've seen them before." 

"When?"

"Dunno, just a feeling. Night mum."

"Goodnight Lex."

When you come back with a full tray of drinks, the topic is on Joe Taylor and Sam is telling a very different story than you remember happening. He said that they walked into Rosie's and spoke to Joe. 

"- and that's when he told me he didn't see anything. He was lying about seeing the shadow. Looks to me like we're not gonna solve this one." Sam finished as you placed the tray on the coffee table. You sat down on the arm of the armchair where Harvey was sat. Joe was many things but not a liar. He told you the god's honest truth about what he saw that night. How Richard Jenkins was ripped apart by a shadow. About how he ran over to help but the shadow was gone and a man was bleeding to death. His chest open and his heart missing.

“Right.” Harvey stands. “Anyone wanna let me in on this secret then?”


	7. It was bound to happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean, you have to tell him eventually right?

"Right, anyone wanna let me in on this secret then?" Your husband asks as your brothers sit on the couch in front of you. All eyes are drawn to him then to you. Sam and Dean wearing faces that told you they didn't want to be sat there at this moment. However, Harvey's face was full of determination and anger. "Anyone?"

"What are you talking about," you questioned. "Harv?"

"I'm talking about the fact that these two can't look you in the eye, and you have been acting weird since they got here. I mean you couldn't leave the room fast enough." The three of you exchange nervous glances. "Ya'know I am trained to see these kinds of things."

"Harv," you say, slowly shaking your head. 

"Are you fucking one of them? Both of them? How long?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You say suddenly very aware of your brothers sat on the sofa.

"You know, you haven't denied it."

"I didn't think I had to. I thought you trusted me as much as I trust you.

"They're from your past right? Right guys?" He stands, facing Sam and Dean. The glance to each other before looking to you for help, although you avoid their eyes, focusing on Harvey.

"The night you asked me to marry you, do you remember? I told you there were things about me that you can never know. Do you know what you said to me? Do you remember? Fuck, do you care?"

"Of course I do. I told you that I will always love you for exactly who you are. But six years, Y/N, six years of always being in the dark, always on the outside of your life."

You don't quite know how to respond to that. After a moment of silence, you look him dead in the eye. 

"Harvey, my life before you was dangerous. It got my mom killed, my dad killed and bobby killed. I have lost friends and my family over that life and I was not going to lose my daughter too. Believe me when I say I left for a goddamn reason." Sam and Dean exchange a look. 

"Tell me now."

"I just told you why I can't." You were almost shouting now, shaking.

"Then stop making me think i'm going fucking INSANE!" He rises from his seat as he shouts the last word. 

"Keep your fucking voice down." You say sternly. 

"NO! Y/N, some days I think you are cheating on me, others I think you've killed someone. And now... Now I don't know what to think. Y/N. I have. To. Know."

"Why today? We haven't talked about this in months. Why today?"

When the silence grows and his face looks more and more desperate, you give in. 

"Fine." You say in a small voice. "Harvey. I'm done having these arguments with you. If you want to know, so damn badly, I can't stop you. But I will not tell you. I swore to never tell you anything that would put you or the kids in danger."

He frowns at you in confusion.

"How..." He starts as you turn to your brothers. 

"Tell him everything. About me, you and this case. Start at the beginning - don't leave anything out." You turn back to Harvey, tears now filling your eyes. "After you have heard what they have to say, you can leave - I won't blame you. Or... or you come to bed." You slowly remove the ring from you left hand and place it in his hand. "It's down to you now. I love you." And with that you turn and walk up the stairs. 

Half of you tried to sleep, knowing that he would never climb those stairs knowing what you know. The other half tried to stay awake hoping and pleading that he would walk on that one creaky floorboard in the hall and open the door to fall asleep in your arms. You were petrified that he would take the kids away too. So you lay awake, terrified and hoping. Until you heard that rumble of the Impala's engine drive away, you sat up in the darkness waiting for that floorboard creak or the slam of Harvey's car door. But none came. No sound came for a while actually. Maybe the boys took him to the motel. Must be. After what seems like an eternity you climb out of bed and pull on your dressing gown. Slowly you move down the stairs, each step so painful.

The living room is empty. Your heart sinks. He left with them. You turn the corner and walk to the kitchen sink. Cupping your hands together under the tap and slowly bringing it to your lips. You taste the refreshing liquid run down your throat and dribble out of your hands. You turn in place as you dry your hands. You jump when you see him. Sat at the table in the dark is your husband. 

"Harvey?"

No reply. You sit opposite him. 

"Harvey, say something."

"What do you want me to say?" He is fiddling with something small in his hands, his eyes transfixed on the object. 

"Don't do that. You stayed for a reason, so you must have questions at least."

"No, I think they covered it." He looks up at you, his eyes red and raw.

“I’m sorry, I never meant to lie.” You start. “It’s just... with who you are, your kindness and bravery, you would have wanted to huntt, to save everyone. And I know, damn it, I know you can’t save everyone, not in that job.” When Harvey still didn’t speak you carried on, now struggling to find the words. “Harv... My dad raised me and my brothers to be warriors... and soldiers. I couldn't have you turn into my dad and he got everyone around him killed because he couldn't deal. It's not a life I would wish on anybody... Least of all my children... and my husband. You may not like it... but everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect us.”

“You can’t have done a good job at that, then.” Harvey throws an envelope onto the table.

“What’s this?”

“Open it. You asked, 'why today?'.” You reach over and open the envelope, inside is about 12 little white cards. Slowly you start to read them.

“You see when they first started, I just thought it was a stalker...” 

_see how easy it is to reach you?_

”...then when they carried on, I began to think you were cheating on me...”

_isn't betrayal painful_

“...then found that one in Alex's school bag, not long after the second murder.”

_i can’t wait to hold her heart in my hands_

“That one was in my jacket pocket, minutes after meeting your brothers."

__Mulder_ and Scully sure do look different huh_

"Y/N, Richard Jenkins was a T/A at the school, and Joesph Brown was the janitor at the station.” 

_Want me to do it again?_

”Who ever this is, whoever is doing these killings - they’re threatening us and they're laughing about it.”

_ask her where she was today_

“And now I get the feeling that it’s something to do with you.”


	8. Normal family?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are a bit shaken in the Howard house, but you're trying your best to make it work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I've posted!!!! Sorry, it's been so long since I've posted, I've been mad busy and kinda forgot about this but I got back to it and felt inspired to carry on, pls let me know what you think! Comment your theories about where this is going!! Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave kudos if you're enjoying it :)

After a while, you both moved to the living room. Harvey sat on the blue armchair, still fiddling with the small object in his hands, as you sat down on the end of the sofa.

You both sat there for hours, him asking questions about your parents, Bobby, your brothers, and your life before him. It was relieving, to say the least, to let it all out, to finally be able to tell him the truth. You also told him about ways to protect himself. What salt and iron will hurt as well as where you kept your special bullets. The silver ones as well as the devil trap ones, a trick you had learned from a hunter named Don that you met when visiting Bobby with a 5 month-year-old Alex. He, unfortunately, died on the hunt. You told Harvey about your tattoo, the protection amulet that he wore around his neck and all of the sigils buried beneath the wallpaper. 

You had fallen asleep quickly, the night's events being more draining than you realised. Not long after you had fallen into a deep sleep, your husband picked up the large beige blanket from beside him and draped it over your body. He kissed your forehead and slid the small object back on to your left-hand finger. 

10:17

You awoke to the sound of cartoons playing at full volume.

"Freddie, baby, volume." You said groggily, eyes still sewn shut. 

"Mom, are you and Harvey gonna get a divorce?" Yup, that woke you up. 

"What?" You sat up on the sofa, facing your inquisitive daughter as well as looking for the TV remote and moving the dog off you. 

Alex was sat in the window seat at the back of the room and had her head buried into a book called 'Eregon'. Freddie's eyes were transfixed on the TV as he turned down the volume. Both still dressed in their pyjamas, you remembered how it was a Saturday. 

"We heard shouting last night and now you're asleep on the sofa." She replied, quickly. "It doesn't take a genius, Mom." 

"Hey." You scolded. Freddie turned to look at you, his innocence radiating through his eyes. "Your dad and I are not getting a divorce. Ok?"

Was this more for them or for you? Sure, if you said it enough maybe he wouldn't divorce you, maybe he can see past the massive fucking lie you have been telling him for six years. 

You move to stroke the top of Freddie's head to comfort him. "Sure, sometimes we argue and disagree on things. Doesn't mean we..." The refection from your ring stops you short.

"Where is your Dad?"

"Work," Alex replies, bluntly. 

You make short work of dressing yourself and the kids before calling your babysitter, Amanda.

10:52

Before long you were back in your Hyundai Veracruz SUV headed toward the station. When you arrived, you instantly saw the black beauty parked outside signaling that your brothers had beat you to it. 

"Hey Archie, is Harv around?" You questioned an officer when you entered the building. 

"Hey Y/N, in his office with the feds," He replied. "I'd give them a sec."

'Fat chance Arch.' You thought before bursting through your husband's office door. All three men instantly looking towards you.

"Let's lay everything out on the table. I'm sick of secrets and I want these killings to stop so we can go on with our lives." You started, thankful for the attention your sudden inburst had given you. 

"Y/N", Harvey tried to interrupt. 

"No, Babe," You continued. "This is obviously about us, me. I'm the reason this is happening, aren't I?" 

"Wait, why'd you say that?" Sam piped up. "How are you guys related?"

"Tell them what you told me last night." You told your husband. But he only glared at you. "Babe? Just tell them." But Harvey stood, grabbed your arm and guided you toward the door. 

"I need to talk to you." Was all he said. Once you were both outside the office and halfway down the hall you stopped him and pulled your arm away from him. 

"Are you insane? Why wouldn't you tell them about the notes?"

"How can we know if we can trust them?" This took you by surprise. 

"What?" You shook your head in disbelief. 

"You know they showed up right after the second vic, and god knows how long they were in town before that."

"Harvey, baby," You started. "They're my brothers, I trust them entirely. Please trust me, even though I have given you no reason to."

"Y/N."

"Fine, investigate them."

"What?" It was Harvey's turn to shake his head in disbelief. 

"Find out when they booked into the hotel. Figure out their motive for killing those two vics. and when you realise your argument is invalid, I'll be back in your office telling them about the notes. 'Kay?" You turned on your heel and went back to your brothers. 

They were waiting for you when you walked in, noting that your husband was not behind you, Dean broke the silence. 

"So how'd it go last night?"

"Pretty sure he doesn't trust me at all anymore but at least he's hasn't left me." You reply. "Anyway, last night, he told me that all vics worked at either the station, my office or the school. Plus Harvey's being sent threatening notes and they're cocky, pretty much confessing to the murders." 

"Why commit three murders and then boast about them to the sheriff?" Sam said after Harvey came back and fished all twelve cards out of the top draw in his desk. 

"People get cocky when they think they won't be caught," Harvey replied. "We're running every test we have for DNA, hopefully, we'll know who this is soon."

"It's not a person, Harv." You caught his attention. "I'm thinking Demon, who's controlling a Deava." Your brothers nodded in agreement. 

"Deava?" Your husband questioned. 

"It's a Zoroastrian demonic creature of shadow, roughly translated to 'Demon of darkness', it would explain the missing hearts." You explained. "They're invisible so the human eye can only see their shadows, hence why Joe Taylor said a shadow attacked that man. Although..." 

"Although, it means a very powerful demon is controlling it." Dean chimed in. 

"Any ideas?" Sam added. 

"Who's a demon?" Harvey mentioned. "You're asking me who I think is a demon around here." 

"Babe, he's thinking anything like cattle mutilations, electric storms or crop failures, that kinda thing."

"Right, course." He replied, raising his eyebrows, baffled by how casually you were talking about this. 

"Not that I've seen but it's not exactly something I look out for anymore." You said, turning your attention to your brothers. 

"Sam and I'll take a look around town, spend the weekend with your kids," Dean said. "Both of ya."

"Try not to worry, It's just another case." Sam squeezed your hand as they left the office. 

"Zoroastrian creature of shadow, demons of darkness, cattle mutilations," Harvey started. "And you think I'm insane because I don't trust the two of them."

"Baby, come home with me, we'll order in from Rosie's, spend the day baking, playing games, binge-watching the latest kids TV." You pleaded. "I don't want things to change with us." You looked towards the ring that lay on your finger. "You gave this back for a reason, right? Until we hear back from Sam and Dean, we can spend today being normal, please?"

And that's just what you did, you both went home and spent the day with Alex, Freddie, and Spatula. Playing board games, baking cookies, dancing in the living room and playing around the big garden. The perfect day. After Freddie had started to fall asleep in front of 'Monsters inc", it was decided it was time for bed. Freddie's favourite song of 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles was sung by Harvey as he was tucked into bed, you kissed him and said goodnight before checking in on Alex who was nose deep into another novel, this time it was the 'Hunger games'. 

"Ten minutes then lights out," You told her. "g'night."

"Night, Mum." 

You headed back downstairs to find Harvey tidying from the day's antics. You stood at the bottom of the stairs and watched him for a second before talking. 

"Thank you," You started. "for today." He turned to face you after you spoke, before sitting down, deflated and avoiding your gaze. 

"I honestly don't think I can forgive you for lying to me for so long." He was looking at you now, focused. "But I can't lose you."

"What do you..?" You started. 

"I want today. For the rest of our lives." Harvey continued. "Neither of us will ever 'hunt' those things out there but the knowledge will keep us safe and when the kids are older we will teach them how to stay safe."

"Whoa, I don't want them to know, I never did, why do you think I kept it from you for so long?" You moved to sit next to him. "I've wanted nothing more than a normal family my entire life, and these past six years with you have been a dream come true. I'm not about to ruin it." 

You both fell asleep watching 'Les Misérables' on the couch, held in each other's arms and a dog led across your lap.

00:38

"Daddy?" Harvey woke to a small hand shaking him, "Daddy, I had a nightmare."

"Ok buddy," Harvey picked up his son and draped a blanket over you and Spatch, before taking Freddie upstairs. After sending his son back off to sleep, Harvey checked his phone and noticed a text from the station. Within seconds he had his gun shoved in the back of his waistband and car keys in his hand. 

"I'm sorry." He said stood over you, before kissing you on the forehead and leaving the house and getting in his car and driving away. 

Before long he was sat in his parked car, debating with himself. It took everything in him to exit the car, walk up to the door and knock. Room 404 opened after a few seconds. 

"Think I need your help then, lads."

Sam and Dean shared a look. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you guys think and if i should carry on!


End file.
